Salad Days

1325h
Allowing this TI to eat salad brings on extra insane targeted abuse; no metaphor for the best time of one's life, or good times, that is certain. Because in this Abuse In Wonderland world that I have been thrust into, eating and digesting salad is a Cardinal Fuckover Event. They stopped me eating it at home since 03-2005, and only allowed me to acquire, make it and eat since 08-2009, this year. A four year wash-out of being allowed to eat green leafed plants in the raw save the odd restaurant meal, maybe 12 or so.

They started me on eating local salad produced at the farm I was working at in August, metered out the availibilty to every two or three weeks, and then with a seasonal cover story made it too shitty and rotten to eat. So onto local bulk salad, also looking pretty desparate and forcing intermittent acquisition along with accelerated rotting in the fridge (in three days, very cold fridge). Soo.. onto that packaged California mega-farm organic crap I don't like much because it is bitter (or was made to be), and today's inaugural use of said salad greens (since 03-2005) turns into a mighty Rage-ification Fuckover scene. I add water soaked hazel nuts to it as I am not allowed to add garlic as it ran out and I "forgot" to get some when right beside it getting the packaged salad, and then the nut slivers wouldn't come off the knife, but flipped from it to my hand and back again for at least three iterations. It is bad enough to be dealing with incessant crumb/lint/dog hair fuckery all day long, but when sabotaged in dealing with dealing with the fuckery, they make sure I go totally orbital. Which I would do if it was the first few times it has occured, but as this is now routine, I am not allowed to "react" (per managed mind-control jerkaround) in a calm manner, which would be my learned response if not fettered with Fuckwits.

And then eating the salad became another intense Rage-ification scene, and not the first of late; salad flying off my fork unbidden by conventional forces, dropping onto my chin as I put it into my mouth, chewed nuts self-ejecting from my mouth, bizarre dangling and occilating salad pieces off the fork, strange juxtapositions of green leaves on red ones to make it as if it were a new combination color single leaf, and you get the rest of it if you are a TI in the hot seat. Vinagrette and olive oil were added, so if anything, the leaves would of been sticky, except there weren't, but extra energetic, floppy and bouncy. All this to get me screaming enraged with salad in my mouth as well, nut particles flying out, and in keeping with the insane litany of abuse over anything of any color or material that is inside my mouth, less than an inch from my brain, a site of extreme interest to my tormentors. Think again if you are a TI and want to eat salad, and know that it can be perverted to be the worst of times. And all those Fuckwits eating bananas, apples and pizza in public aren't the new brash on-the-go eating style, but gutless, insane and abusive sickos who would rather hound the living shit (literally) out of victims for over 7.5 years rather than fess up to lifetime covert (now overt) nonconsensual human experimentation. Fucking sick.

Then a forced pee afterwards, then I was allowed to eat kiwi fruit, another color of interest to the perps, especially that it is wrapped in a brown furry skin. Which didn't compare to this morning, before lunch, when the assholes had me distracted when ready to pee (of all times, when normally I would be in a heightened awareness state for imposed adversity), and lo, if they didn't re-direct the pee stream onto my bare right foot. Yessiir, I was screaming enraged over that, and I still haven't calmed down over that piece of abusive insanity. Just preparation for the above lunchtime salad consumption abuse. And if I ever come to know who in the fuck arranged the above pissing sabotage, you will be accorded neurosurgery at the end of a baseball bat, and won't your mind-fucking masters like that.

And who was that pre-eminent TI who said "we must be patient"? What do you know that would cause such a docile acceptance of this train of abusive depravity, you included as a victim?

2255h
Plenty of continued rage-fication provocations once I get up and do something other than slouch here in webland. Another demotivating experience, just getting up for the extra harassment it engenders, per Fuckwit mentality.

And a notice earlier today, another all day shutdown of the apartment hot water system, said to be for repairs, and intermittent outages for the two days afterward. Is this fourth time in this building, and is it not at least the 20th hot/cold water shutdown since 04-2002 when this insane abuse began? Now over five residences since 2003 when I was jerked back to this town, and all have had hot water problems, save one if my (remotely fucked with) recall serves me correctly. All have been desolate places with only nominal tenancy, and that includes this place. They are cooking/irradiating me so much that mere mortals are not allowed to reside anywhere near me for very long.

And evening class tonight on Oracle PL/SQL, and yet more software sabotage that impeded progress on doing the labs, which makes me wonder why they are having me go there, save the coordinated throat clearning, knuckle cracking and other sounds to accompany my keystrokes and more often, the final command or click that launches a new window, a program that should run but doesn't (copied from the supplied solutions), and the like. And for the third class in succession, the one Asian woman bails after the lecture to leave the remaining four guys, the male instructor and myself to engage in shop talk, (albeit interesting). There is something important about this stage of the abuse and fuckery to have me around male talk, voices and male presence.

Yesterday there were at least three males, weirds in some way, touring me while twice going through the checkout because the cashier's computer glitched out like never before. Then tonight, another crowd at the 2135h bus from the campus, one obeser in shorts for crissakes in -5C weather. They had the bus leave three minutes early, and me running up beside it while it was pulling away, (done this one before in the same circumstances), and the bus driver stopping even while two dudes were blocking his vision through the front door. Said dudes, one in red and one in black and grey were my sentries as I boarded, got out my wallet to retrieve my bus pass, swiped it and then replaced the card (magnetic striped) to then proceed to sit halfway down the bus. There were plenty of seats availible, but no, this bus entry dude-guard stayed in place, when they are supposed to be behind the driver. But as I have often observed, the fuckers like to be on me for any kind of financial transaction, and that includes paying bus fare with a bus pass. It is very common that they have the dude-guard coursing around at the location I make a buying of financial decision, and as mentioned yesterday, the dudes are getting more gangstalking time of late, and that means in all circumstances. No blondes for me anymore.

And these colder temperatures make for great hoodie weather; no end of hoodies up, and they do like to put them in low light conditions, such as the front of the bus I found out tonight, and show off a dude in a hoodie next to a dude in a black toque, much like my own. It seemed to be toque and hoodie comparison night tonight, alternately boarding the bus, and having this rotation of them standing at the front. I have never seen so many Fuckwits loitering beside the bus driver on all the buses I have taken in at least six large cities I have visited or lived in. More of the Cheersing bullshit again, where they "happen" to know the driver and start a long conversation with him, usually male to male.

About 15 dudes on the bus tonight, and one female with dishy brunette hair among them, presumably as some kind of feminine reference for whatever the dude show buys them. A few freaks; one long haired dude in a multicolored jester's hat looking doubly absurd, and least one long haired fucker who hid it under his toque (same color and type as mine, at least the fourth one on the bus) and then later revealed his fugly ponytail the next time I looked. And at least two other Cheering events, where someone "happened" to meet someone they knew on the bus and started up another conversation, male to male in both cases.

And if I sound freaking annoyed still, it is because I am recovering from at least six rage-fication provocation events when having a final tea and chocolate tonight; having objects in my proximity (but not in contact) move, make noise is always programmed for instant and loud rebuke, as is splashing pee around again, having the just-washed dishes move and clatter by themselves (at least twice), have chocolate crumbs arrive from nowhere on the white plate in front of me, have the chocolate break on unexpected lines, trip me up while getting up for a second cup of tea and the rest of the minutiae that is sabotaged as nauseum.

And three negro dudes on gangstalking tonight, one party at each end of my outbound bus trip. One party was loitering outside Staples, which "happens" to be the place where a 3x reprising negro gangstalker was dogging me when I was searching for a 2010 diary two weeks ago. All part of the negro/location/lighting variations it would seem.

This one is done for the day, and onto some out and about tomorrow with the employment counsellor to restart my grant grovelling again, resuming where I left off late September, (but $1700 poorer), and also my mother is coming into downtown to purchase the Christmas food items, a First Feral Family tour of downtown with plenty of expected fuckery and gangstalkers. At least I get to go out while the hot water is shut down, some compensation.