1135h
An 0700h get-up without the alarm, as it was set for 0800h. A 0130h bedtime last night due to a sudden midnight "need" to listen to music. Funny how that happens, and the usual switching between the samples the instant I click somewhere, with the imposed coincident confusion of whether I clicked and clobbered the web page that was the source of the music, or just coincidental page refresh. As always, the answers vary according to the circumstances in play, the imposed nature of the momentary befuddlement, and any other mind-fuck parameters around cognition they need to fuck with at my expense. And it seems they like vocalized sudden pitch changes too, the Alela Diane songs have somehow been rattling in my head for the week, and I haven't listened to them for at least that long. In fact, I couldn't recall who was singing the song they were playing in mind, e.g. yesterday while garden digging, and they told me. Finally last night, I was sent to the Myspace web page, and indeed, it is her, and the posted music is a combination from various albums which display on a per song basis. Just that I wasn't allowed to figure that out at first, and ended up sampling much of her music on Amazon in this sudden early AM curiousity eruption.
Going to bed late wasn't enough awake time it seemed; the kept me up for another hour or more with the outside loud mufflered vehicle noises, and with all manner of aburd ideations from this imaginary life they like to impose on me, the "reverie life", as opposed to this violated life. Their reverie games have been very consistent over the years, and back in 2005 they would start them up and I would add dialog, and if it wasn't dialog supplied by them I was immediately noisestalked every time. We are long past that now, and instead the coincident abuse was minor head pain; L jaw, then when covered with my hand ( and pain relieved), forehead (and pain relieved), and when covered by my other hand, it was L rear temple. Then I gave up.
And a bedsheet laundering this morning with the jeans from yesterday added in, having some light soil scuffings that arrived on me while doing the garden digging job yesterday. In addition to the fake touches I got from nowhere, as it wasn't the shovel handle that it felt like as one example. And I see the perps are back to yellowing my bedsheets around my head again, possibly in keeping with their usual annual bedsheet sabotage. The R. side pillow, the fitted sheet underneath were extra yellowed and per usual, it doesn't launder out for the most part. And I see they have started this on the underlying pillows too, another first in this insane sabotage method/circumstance that has plagued two previous bedsheet sets. Last year was a two year replacement, but if the perps keep up this accelerated bedsheet yellowing, this better quality sheetset won't go past the summer, the time of year for this near annual event. This is the fourth or fifth bedsheet set to be sabotaged in this manner in nine years of this insane abuse.
My underwear was in with the bedsheets and jeans, and in keeping with the usual lint attacks on it, now a years-old sabotage game, they slathered lint on most pairs. I have never known clothing to get more messy from being laundered before, but it seems they want me to fuss over it, attempt to pull the wet lint off the damp garments, and then separate them out to hang dry. The towels alway throw lint onto the underwear, so they are never laundered together, but now jeans and bedsheets have started this up.
And as this will be a regular First Feral Family visitation, I will be travelling there this afternoon, and this will be a short posting to cover today's nonsense and abuse, being relatively low key habitation in this apartment.
The cleaning "need" started up once the laundry was in the washing machine in the laundry room some 30' down the hall. I got screwed out of dealing with it last week, and for the first time in nearly four years, the guck that sticks to the tile grout suddenly fell out with one pass of the J-Cloth with spray Vim on it. (Same as usual). And was this out of goodness over fuckery relief? Of course not, as the gunk became the putative source of the crumbs that kept showing up after I cleaned surfaces, as well as circulating in the bathtub when the water was running to rinse the cloth. And the long black hairs also increased in cleaning bathtub, tile, toilet and floor surfaces and don't ask me where they came from as I am not allowed to associate with anyone, particularly females, so whose hair was it? I have a notion, but I won't get into it for now, in keeping with retaining all the credibility I can muster.
I am going to post this for now, as this was today's excitement, and who knows what later abuses and coincidences with unfold in al their orchestrated inanity while associating with the FFF later today.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
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23 comments:
Meh, just buy some charcoal coloured sheets.
The perps have hinted to me time and again, through various means, that they are working with me to create a "new me". To this end, I saw a snippet of a recap from a baseball game on PG:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/11094/1137066-100.stm
The old Charlie Morton might have allowed such a situation to overcome him, permitted it to overwhelm him and he could have unraveled.
The new Charlie Morton, however, just kept pounding the ball low in the zone, threw six sinkers in the Molina at bat and extracted himself from the predicament.
Read more: http://post-gazette.com/pg/11094/1137066-100.stm#ixzz1IcLksUZZ
Here, you can clearly see that like many articles I read on the net, there is a certain "wording" to them, where the perps can pass certain messages to me, secretly.
There are also numerous songs released that seem to steal melodies and harmonies, of little snippets of music I composed in my head, but never had published and wrote down. Here is one of many examples:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH7WXlf9WLk
From 1:41 to 1:45, the part which goes "...and now you want me one more time", the melody and chords match perfectly a portion of a tune I had created but yet not written down. Every twist and turn of the tune has been re-created.
2:14 - 2:20 "Took so long just to feel so right..."
another portion of the same tune, and the harmony/melody are exactly the same as the tune I had created yet not written down.
Note the melody and chords/harmony repeat themselves repeatedly until 2:40. Also there is a mention of "'cause you broke all your promises" in the lyrics. my tune did not have any lyrics, but there appears to be a message targeted towards me, of not breaking my promises.
There are many examples. Another example is a song by Green Day, "When September Ends". The main part of the riff has open strings a well as fretting strings in the key of G, and is very similar to a riff I had been practicing in my garage around the same time frame, but a few months earlier.
No offense to the writers of these great tunes. You did a good job of building song around my unfinished ideas. Good job, ladies and gents.
Also, note Perri's voice sounds kind of like she has a hint of "guilt" in it, when she sings my stolen tune:
2:21-2:25 if you listen closely, there is a hint of guilt and hesitation in her vocalization, which is very subtle, but I can hear it.
I believe entertainers take ideas from a pot of ideas from TI's, but my ideas seem to get the most "recreation" from entertainers.
But that is why the perps work so hard to discredit targets, because most think we're crazy anyways. And who is going to believe people are building songs around my unfinished tracks that I don't write down? That's all I have are unfinished tracks. I have a compositional ability, but I change certain aspects of my tunes/songs, so I never write them down. And the System basically utilizes them. Which is good, I think, because I feel musical ideas should be freely used. A lot of lawsuits based around pop music seems frivolous attempts at money-grabbing.
But maybe all of these incidents are the result of some sort of psychic connection I have with the writer of these songs, that they can somehow "tap in" to my compositional processes and it influences the way they write songs.
Here's another aspect of the same song I referred to in my previous reply: my favorite harmonic progression is used, that where you have the IV chord, followed by IV-minor, and back to the I chord.
2:08-2:12
"...me, who do you think you are..."
Again, this progression seems to only surface in older songs, so it's odd and out of place (slightly) that it should find its way into a new song.
I do get momentary, intense eye pain in one eye or one side of my face. It's easy to see what they're trying to test for here. Also, to your previous blog post, this quote stands out:
And a new jerkaround is to make me feel "floaty" or partially derealized as this is going on, the second such occurence when exiting the apartment building in two days. This means that my temporal lobes of my brain are being de-energized, something I learned from my ADD research days of 2000 to 2002 before the assholes turned that model on its head so to speak.
That floaty sensation is familiar to me. It felt like a "twinkle-toes" sensation the perps gave me one time. That evening it happening, some kids were smoking some strong marijuana in the doorway, and on my way out, I got a good whiff of it. Apparently, I got high from that, as I felt all "floaty" like I was dancing on air as I was walking. All the while, I was pissed at the perps for forcing this on me. I'm sure I got some THC in my system which caused this. But they recreated this same "floaty" sensation about a year later, when I was walking down the street. All of a sudden, for a brief moment, maybe 5 seconds, I got "hit" with something that gave me that same floaty sensation.
I just realized why the perps work so hard to ensure I'm underemployed: if I were full-time employed, I'd be too busy to come up with musical ideas, of which fragments of those ideas can be incorporated into songs and other music I hear on the radio or which get sold under the popular music realm. Perps have a heavy hand in the entertainment biz. The perps also like this piece I had been rehearsing in my head, which they called an "overture". Also, they were excited over a possible orchestral piece I was rehearsing in my mind, which I wanted to transcribe for guitar(s). After this, I saw a piece of paper with the word "transcription" showing that I picked up from the ground. So that tells me they liked those ideas.
I heard that song on the radio last night, and I asked the "sweetie" the about it, and she just completely blew it off, pretending to know nothing about it. She pretended to not hear was I was saying about it. She also hinted about the perps and gangstalkers: she said "they like you". Interesting, because she does work with the perps.
Answer to: Meh, just buy some charcoal coloured sheets....
Red colored bedsheets would really piss the perps off, as they don't want me with any red colored clothing on me. One could be sure they would rip up fast in a "washing machine accident" or else lose their dye to go pink. Thanks for the comments.
Answer to: I heard that song on...
The planted companion; expect to get blown off all the time, as the perps have arranged this countless times in my life, and all the more now that they went overt/beserk in 04-2002 on me. I don't know why they do this except to limit the influence of TI's, as there must be some kind of psychic carryover from the supplied information/suggestions that they want to contain. Then occasionally, they allow a TI's suggestions to be followed through and then compare the difference among the same players (just sweetie, or others in a larger work environment). If you follow Deepak Chopra and his "consciousness embedded in information" (or whatever it is exactly) then it begins to make perfect sense from the perp angle. Thanks for the comments.
I said charcoal, not red. I like it since it does not show stains and is a nice, neutral colour.
Answer to:
The perps have hinted...
There are also numerous...
Here's another aspect...
No question the perps operate a "hint factory", often customized for each TI. But it may apply to the population at large too, as Bob Dean on the Project Camelot video indicates that the movie script writers sometimes have access to very classified information and introduce it in digestible snippets into sci-fi film scripts. Bob Dean knew of some advanced technologies and that he saw in a recent film showing. The film director was in attendance, and he asked him about it, and got a rather vague answer. It was Bob Dean's conclusion that film, and likely other mediums, are used to drop perp hints about their capabilities and presage future conditions. It is 90 minutes long, but interesting:
http://projectcamelot.org/los_angeles_19-20_september_2009.html#Bob_Dean
Thanks for the comments.
Answer to: I do get momentary...
I attended a presentation by Dr. Amen when I lived in Seattle, and he mentioned it more than once. I was getting these panic attacks in the late 1980's, very scary at the time, and part of it was this "floatiness"/derealization sensation at the time, also disturbing. Now I know what the neural conditions were, and later, who did it. See the link below, though he calls it "periods of spaciness or confusion":
http://www.amenclinics.com/brain-science/cool-brain-science/a-crash-course-in-neuroscience/temporal-lobes/
A fascinating site, and the perps had me tuned up on neuroscience 2000 to 2002. I also went to his clinic and got a scan in 2001 and it was ADD, Inattentive Subtype as he called it then. Though there were some other non-ADD related anomalous conditions in the scan from no attributable cause (NOT smoking, toxic esposures, drug use). And now, I have an idea how that came about. Thanks for the comments.
Answer to: I just realized why...
There is no question that a partially employed TI offers more variation in the texts they want to put them through. With such basic human activities/situations like information discourse, lighting conditions, contact with everyday objects in and out of the home, contact (all kinds) with intimate friends/spouses, vehicle travel etc. under such intense study, keeping the victim in partial employment is just the perfect "blender speed". I use that metaphor to refer to the TI condition, being kept in an active blender with the sickos at the variable speed control. Thanks for the comments.
Interesting that you had panic attacks in the late 80's. Somewhere around 1986-1987, I was trying on a suit with my mom present, and I all of a sudden felt a panic, like I was going to faint. It was a sudden rush that came over me, where I felt like I was going to faint. I told my mom about it, and she just blew it off as "yeah right" with the the saleslady laughing. It was my last year of high school, I believe.
These similar "rushes to the head", feeling like I was going to pass out (but didn't) would come over me in the early 90's, my senior year at university. It was 1991, I believe, and the professor, oddly enough, picked up on my predicament, and mentioned something about a "panic attack" with a few of the students laughing about it. There were numerous incidences in the Fall of 1991, in that same course, the same classroom, that I felt like I was going to have a major panic attack. I kind of felt like I might "freak out" and start yelling, and/or pass out. The instructor got kind of "affected" by this, and he seemed kind of scared himself, like he might also get one.
In grad school in the summer of 1993, I was talking a differential equations course in the same classroom. The professor was a Chinese guy that used to write on the board while looking sideways at the wall, something I didn't really pick up on until my roommate the next year pointed it out. Then I remembered this "quirk". But in that classroom in summer 1993, I never at any time felt like I was going to have a panic attack. This was odd, because this was the same classroom that I was sure I was going to freak out majorly in two years earlier.
I also met this little Indian "babe" who was a senior undergraduate in Math, and this was her elective course. She kind of attached herself to me, and was kind of cute. She was of Asian Indian descent, and ironically, had the same last name as the girlfriend of my then-roommate, an Indian grad student. I kind of wanted to keep my distance, because these two roommates at the time were from India, and they had a strong Indian accent, i.e., that "Speedy Gonzalez" type accent where regular sentences sound like questions instead of statements (the rising and falling tone of the voice thing). But this young Indian girl didn't have an accent. Funny how she had the same last name (Batra), which further turned me off, because the girlfriend of this kind of husky Indian dude was from India, and had a very squeaky annoying voice with a thick accent. What a strange coincidence, though, having the same last name, and not even related, but the same nationality.
If I hadn't been put through the hell of having two Indian roommates, who were messy, I would normally have been all over that girl. But I kind of kept my distance, though I knew she was "cute" and pretty cool. I knew in the back of my mind, had circumstances been different, that I would not have been repulsed by her. It's just that negative association with guys who happened to be Indian and one of their annoying girlfriends had the same last name. Wow.
I see what you're saying. I have traumatization associations with certain male physique types. For example, one dude came in, black sweatpants on, which kind of matched the long-sleeved cotton shirt I was wearing. And what do you know, big surprise: shapeless, straight-up-and-down stick legs. The kind which drive me crazy. Well, it's all internal to the target. This guy had muddy black shoes, and his calves had that kind of skinny, "Straight stick" look, like there is no shape to them at all. And I get these all the freaking time. And he kind of walks around me, making sure I see him. He changed angles a bunch of times, in a number of times. In the past, I would not have thought anything of this type. But the perps are relentless in presenting these types of make physiques to me.
The perps must know I have this thing with the way legs look and are shaped. They had a girl come in, and she had the stick legs to match the guy that came in and dithered around me earlier. This woman had sweat pants on, and her legs had that "deflated" look, like someone let the air out of them. It's like she wasn't filling out her sweat pants at all, if you know what I mean. There was no apparent mass at all to them. That's the kind of male physique I usually get: calves that appear to have that "deflated" look to them, like large sticks (straight up and down). Well, it isn't quite like that. It's like they have these pants on, and their calves don't have much radius to them to begin with, and on top of that, there is no shape at all. And it get this so repetitively, everywhere I go. Favored is shapely legs, legs that fill out a pair of jeans well, male or female. But not that real tight look, like someone took a heat gun to shrink wrap around someone's legs, and shrunk them way up. But no, I get the "bird legs" types male legs.
Answer to: I said charcoal, not red....
I saw that, and was only suggesting another color that in my experience, would annoy the perps no end.
I see, that makes a lot more sense. I was wondering how anyone could have mixed that up.
Answer to: Interesting that you had panic attacks...
Panic attacks are extremely threatening, especially if one doesn't know what they are. I don't think these were of organic origin given that you are a TI, though didn't know it then.
The E. Indians seem to figure predominantly in the gangstalking scene, "happening" to be prevalent in the farm work I am allowed to do. And also, that I loathe the sight of turbans and all head adornments (meaning, Unfavored), they also serve to ensure they pose with these things on them, and that I get to seem them more than usual. My out-of-town brother married a Punjabi woman, who is very tidy, though I cannot say I know many as roomates. My in-town brother had a long running attraction to native Indian girls, so it seems my brothers are surrogates for "brown girl" exposures, whatever the perps get from that. Thanks for the comments.
Answer to:
I see what you're saying.... and
The perps must know...
I get plenty of baggy shorts on dudes, which to a degree, makes their legs look skinny. Though not many skinny legs or bird legs, just average to fat legged males. I don't know what the perps' agenda is over male legs, but it is interesting to note that they this extends to other TI's. I get the paste-on jeans on some males and females, but I haven't really taken much notice. It is the ridiculous baggy short that seem to get a "reaction" from me, especially in the winter time. Thanks for the comments.
Answer to: I see, that makes a lot more sense...
Sorry about the confusion.
Maybe it was the baggyness of the sweat pants that gave me the impression. Anyways, most female legs I encounter are pretty normal. What gets the most attention are male legs, and they spend an inordinate amount of time getting me exposure to male legs and they stick to that pretty good. Mostly, they have weirds and vagrants figured prominently, as well as construction worker types in this area. I get a lot of construction workers, and there are several different categories they split up here. Like, you've got the dudes that look like they've been working out in a muddy field. Or, I get the vagrants imitating a construction worker, like this one dude I saw who had extremely soiled jeans. Then you've got another category of construction guy, the "hard"-looking type that looks all dependable and upright, yet very tough. Another type kind of based on this would be this type, but a little more badass, like they ride a Harley and go do shots after their construction gig. These would be the bigger construction dudes with the mustache, the real blue-collar-macho types. My dad works construction, so that could be why the perps devote so much time to these types.
Answer to: Maybe it was the baggyness...
Baggy white pants now give me the heebie-jeebies, which may have something to do with seeing clinical garb at close range in my recall deletion years, aged 2 to 5. As for construction workers, I even get them on the city bus in mid-day, kind of absurd. And the construction males, more the better dressed engineer types, walking about with a yellow hardhat under their arm, just more absurdities. The connection makes more sense in your case, but the perps do like me to visit or walk by construction sites, the deeper the hole, the better. Thanks for the comments.
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