Thwarted Awakening Again

01-30-2018
Another thwarted awakening when planned, similar to last week. Today, though a Tuesday, was the first work day of this week, as was Monday last week. In both instances, the alarm clock, though set, somehow was turned off. Today, they let me get up an hour early instead of two; last week they gave me a whole 5 minutes of advance notice. This isn't the first time they have pulled this over the 15 years of this insane harassment and abuse, and likely won't be the last. I reckon they didn't want me showered and shaved, always a major deal for the perps, though today there was enough time for me to make and eat breakfast and make my lunch and get ready for work. I know they like to change up the combinations of activities, and each (food digestion, shaving, showering) has its own energy signature, and it would seem they like to play with each. After 47 years of covert abuse and surveillance, and now 15 years of overt and much more abuse and enragement, one would think they would throw in the towel and give it up. But no, they are legion, they can swap out abusers, and they are patient as they are psychopathically deranged and organized. Most TI's know this, though I am not sure they get the degree of interference and abuse that I get on a regular basis. It is different for every victim I suspect.

Yoga turned overpopulated last night, my return after getting screwed out of going last week. That meant I had yogis on four sides of me, unusual in that I rarely have someone in front of me as I am near the front. Anyhow, this young woman snuck in at the last moment to block my view in the mirrors, an escalation of the usual fuckery. (Side mirrors are nearly always blocked). The woman on my R had a seriously dense case of tattoos on her arms, and it has been made quite plain to me, the perps want to me to see this Unfavored Feature all too often.  The young women in front and on my L side had more discreet tattoos, slowly revealed as the class progressed. One guy had a serious tattoo outbreak down his leg, made all the more notable by the baggy shorts he wore, another Unfavored Feature I have come to loathe despite its popularity.

The yoga business owner gave the class, which I thought was rather irregular in that she had a wrist brace on her sprained wrist. I thought this was peculiar as she has the authority to direct whomever to lead the class, usually students going by past classes. But no, the owner gives the class for whatever reason. Another of those "I don't get it" events.

Another "I don't get it" was that the perps kept hammering me with planted notions of their current theme that they are going to cease harassment and abuse hostilities. They had slacked off on this campaign for the prior week, but suddenly turned it on during yoga, my first class in two weeks. Funny how they must suddenly lay on this nonsense at times, and then back off.

I saw a documentary on Amy Winehouse on Netflix recently; I just cannot believe how she was hounded by the paparazzi, even when she wasn't well. And to boot, she was bulimic and no one seemed to be taking charge of the whole show. Another famous bulimic, Princess Diana was also hounded to the grave by the paparazzi. Just what is it that the press smells and has to harass the living piss out of well known people. The media just seems like such an insensitive shit show designed for a macabre outcome; like the fox hound hunting they banned in the UK. Instead, they do it to an exceptionally talented musician, and then blame her. And her whole management seemed like such a fumbling bunch of fools, though not to the level of foolhardy, but dysfunctional about conserving her health.

I was to be connected to an new ISP today, but as it "happened", the line from the street to the house is broken, so it didn't get completed. What could of taken an hour, took two, and still no result. Funny how these things "happen". It must be a perp method/mantra; never do anything unless it can be done by halves" (partially). So the new fibre connection box was installed and the modem too, but no service. Thankfully I didn't shut the regular service down, so who knows when this is going to get fixed.

02-01-2018
More games with appointment times; two of them in one look at my email; one for Feb. 08, and the second for 0800h on Feb. 15. Farting around with "8" now; how more tedious does this get? It is bad enough that they jack with my appointment times, pulling day-before change ups; one on this year so far.

A visit to the incision doctor this morning; my basal sarcoma spot on my forehead needs to be done in a hospital as it turns out. Another appointment. A small scab that never heals on my R ear was attended to, and the freezing was the biggest pain, being an injection that he didn't tell me about coming, euphemistically telling me it was a freezing agent. Another appointment for the biopsy results.

The computer repair shop phoned today to tell me that my spare computer, one that I wanted to convert to Linux for exploration purposes, has a motherboard problem and is unfixable. As it is a proprietary manufacture, it is unlikely that a third party mobo is available. I will have to look into it; for a used computer it didn't fare well; new drive, added a video card, and now the mobo has failed. Nice case though.

02-02-2018
Another day of pulling vine canes for the propagation collection job. The bowel issues came on, but nothing messy. I felt slightly nauseous all day though. And for three days in succession, a sudden need for a bowel movement the instant I was in the door of my residence. I still didn't feel well and laid down for an hour, and still feel only marginally better. For the better part of last year I had to take a piss almost immediately after getting home from work in the vineyard. Now that is "solved", possibly with a certain medication I take, and now the same deal all over again, this time with my bowels. Try telling a doctor that it is a dopamine deficiency problem. I am not even going to attempt it, but I see that GI issues figure predominantly in another dopamine deficient subpopulation (or cohort), Parkinson's Disease patients. That and nausea too, plus a host of other complaints that I have mentioned in past blog postings. Don't ask me where this is all going, as I have no idea.

As mentioned in this 12-2017 posting, the wacko-shrink jerked my ass around and declared that I had a dopamine surplus when I had a SPECT scan diagnosing ADD (=dopamine deficiency) and a urine test which indicated dopamine deficiency. I still cannot figure out if the shrink was playing up being a wacko, or was authentically one. His line when he greeted me at the third and last visit was "congratulations, you have never been in more control in your life" (with no further explanation) still resonates as the all time whacked out shrink statement. As to what he was alluding to, or as to why he was hamming it up to demonstrate his whack-iness credibility is unknown to me, though I still ponder it. The same difference to me though; an blatant obstruction of needed medical care, specifically to address dopamine deficiency. Interestingly, and uncharacteristically for a shrink, he had no medication to offer. In other words, he didn't want to be proven wrong, another way of saying "don't come back". He also was keen that I seek a second opinion, something I have never heard any doctor say before.

That act of this theater of the absurd has yet to be resolved of course, and I am getting stalled out on this one too; it seems the one clinic that could do some useful testing responds once per week, and the US clinic hasn't responded at all, now two weeks. Same old, same old; medical care obstruction continues as it so often has, especially last year's epic stunt, mentioned above. And what is the point of that? Why not just depress the hell out of me, by way of remotely applied demotivation, which they can do handily, so I don't get on to these matters instead of hitting a brick wall with these constitutionally inept clinicians who make a point of not listening, or else, not doing anything.

And the planted notion from the perps is that they are going to cease hostilities soon, and are winding things up, and don't wish to engage in new initiatives. And if one believes that after nearly 16 years of this relentless abuse and harassment, on top of 47 years of covert surveillance and orchestrating my existence, you must be smoking something strange. These assholes do not give up; they are relentless as they are organized as they are deranged.

No word from the viticulture outfit that interviewed me for a full time job two weeks ago; a puffball interview if there ever was. After the fact, I assumed it was either some kind of orchestrated stunt, or else they had someone else in mind and it was a forgone exercise in futility. Of course I don't know for sure, but I do slightly favor the first explanation, given the near-smirks I was getting from the two interviewers. Given that the owner of the regular vineyard I worked at last year, and to be shortly this year, is building a house, it just seems that this might be the perp's form of payoff which requires a multi-season commitment. I cannot recall the number of "outbreaks" in my work or living vicinity where a new building is going up. From towers (both at work and at my residence when I lived in Seattle), to even my former employer who also built a house. (I worked there two seasons). The question is, just how long in advance do they plan these rather significant pay-outs?

02-04-2018
A return of the night time brutal leg cramps last night. I haven't had these for at least 8 months, but suddenly it came back with avengence. I was pacing the floor for at least 15 minutes to work through the cramp. And here we go again; dopamine deficient patients suffer this very problem. And can I get this attended to? No; the health care Gestapo has decided I need to suffer some more. As if 15 years of being the subject of this senseless and relentless abuse-athon isn't enough.

Out and about today; somehow I "forgot" that washing my vehicle was a major Fuckover event. Meaning that the assholes were all over me at the bank, and then following that, at LD store, hounding my ass in every aisle. The bank visit was something else; three young dudes as the cashiers, and I went to the cashier as I had to sort out why my new bank card could not be activated. Well as it "happened" he couldn't get it activated either, and when visible on his monitor, he said the card was closed. So I asked him, "you mean to say that the bank sent me a new card to be activated that was already closed?" To which he said "yes". Gotcha; nice to embarass somebody (the bank) over their ineptitude. Though in fact, I am sure it was the perps up to something; like their infatuation with my wallet contents, including this bank card I couldn't use that I kept in my wallet until finding out it was useless on arrival.

I notice I have more energy today, though I don't know why; perhaps the perps are doing something to me to finally get me out of the dysthymic state they have kept me in for the last 60 years. How big of them; I rather be fucking dead than live under the heel of these insane psychopathic assholes. No choice in that.

Anyhow, enough said for the week, and onto a new gig, though it will be pruning in the vineyard, and nothing new there.