Guinea Pigs

10-02-2017
A new (2014) book by Dr John Hall, Guinea Pigs; Technologies of Control, also author of New Breed; Satellite Terrorism in America. The author is a MD, anesthesiology in San Antonio. A decent 17 min. video here. I have not read either book, but they are on my list, and the author is well spoken and highly respected in TI circles. In this video he mentions 300,000 reports of organized harassment, which likely covers workplace mobbing through to significantly greater harassment; gangstalking, abuse by conventional and unconventional technologies. The latter book was his story of interaction with a person who was suffering from these harassment issues. Where Guinea Pigs builds on the technologies and gets into its wider scope.

Interesting that my mother told me I was a "guinea pig" when I was five years old, though I had little concept of it at the time. Or little notion of what she was talking about until this rain, or reign, of harassment and relentless abuse came on me in 04-2002.

And I now learn my radiotherapy for prostate cancer begins in three weeks, a total jerkaround as it was to begin today. So three more weeks of sitting around and not a whole lot to do. Well done; string the victim out to do more of nothing. The reason I am pissed about this is that they had me from 2003 to 2008 doing nothing much, and are still at it. The worst of it is that the delay gives the perps three more weeks of hammering me with planted notions of going to LL for proton beam therapy instead, which is totally unrealistic. The cost would be over $100k, money I don't have, and would be a three day drive to get there. Yes, I did contact LL at one time to find out if I was eligible, and I would be, and in later correspondence I told them it was not feasible for financial reasons. It has been over a year the perps have been pounding me with this notion, and often with the same phrase, "LL for proton beam treatment is in your future". Just leave me alone, and stop pummeling me with infeasible and unrealistic dream scenarios. (There would be additional benefits of going to LL too, but I won't get into those, as it is not relevant).

Yoga tonight, and some of the regular crew were back. The cute young female butts of last week were mostly gone, but they did put two fat ones in front of me with an attractive slender young butt further behind them. And two new dudes, one seriously tattoo-ed with some fugly ink running up his arm, and on his leg. They also put the sometimes-friendly freak dude next to me; he became friendly over time, and he has now reverted to unfriendly. Variable friendliness is nothing new in this business. They had me at the SE back corner again, presumably to watch butts, and do comparisons between the large two and the attractive one further away. Don't ask me what that is all about, though I have read that one gets a dopamine rush if one sees something, or someone, attractive. Perhaps all this is a variation of the perp's alternating game of Unfavoreds with Favoreds; placing the fugly dude stalker with the cute blonde girl, and having them cross back and forth. In the above yoga instance I would get my dopamine rush from observing the ass end, if it is proportioned to my personal esthetic. Maybe the perps are building a total dopamine response profile of me; face, hair, eyes, butts, breasts and the list goes on, with selective covering of certain body features so that the dopamine rush is only from, say, the ass (per above yoga). Or, say only from the face, with her large body form or ass covered by a long sweater. And then they might map my dopamine response transition from cute face to large ass and all manner of other spatial juxtapositions and permutations. Go figure; all I want to be is left alone, and here we are, 15 years of relentless abuse and stalking, and it seems that they are nowhere close to done.

Before I went to yoga though, I got nailed for a 3.0 hour nap attack. It was after a late lunch lunch, and I had resumed reading for 20 minutes, and then the nap attacking came on. No sense in fighting it, so I laid down on my bed and lo, it was 1800h when I awakened in a state of semi-stupor. Again, I did not need the sleep, as I had a 9 hour sleep last night. These outrageous nap attacks take up so much time, and IMHO, are of no organic origin.

10-03-2017
Mellow times these days, after waiting some two weeks for radiotherapy to begin, all to find out that it is going to be another three weeks of wait time.

But oddly, my one appointment of the day, to get the vehicle L headlight installed, became a stalking scene. I waited at the body shop for 30 min. while it was installed, and a granny stalker came to stand at the door for 15 minutes. Then I went to a machine shop to see if they can cut a groove in my hand pruners where my finger sits all day long when I use them in vineyard work. The need to ever modify things runs deep, and I suppose it just might be a perp need. They like to dig up the streets where I have walked and driven, so it doesn't surprise me that they would want to take some metal off a tool I have used for 100's of hours every year. Hopefully this will be an improvement, and not the faux "cause" of it breaking sometime in the winter when vine pruning.

Such mundane event turned out to be a bit of an over-obvious vehicular gangststalking afterward. I had a pick up truck (stinking diesel kind) and a VW Jetta ahead of me for two blocks before they turned L, where I do, off a tertiary arterial. Then one block, and then they turn R, which is unusual except for those living in this area, never two vehicles together until today. And even more obviously, they turn L 80' along where I make my usual turn down the lane where I park in. I said, "Fuck That", and went around the block, and into the lane from the other direction. And lo, these same two vehicles were parked in the lane, one each side, and only 6' between them. Like WTF, two vehicles trailing ahead of me through three turns down a lane, where no one to date (in four years) has done this, and then blocking my egress on public property with an obviously arranged lane blocking. I have been going down this lane nearly every day for 4 years, and have never seen anyone block it, save once with a Monday summertime party of pickup trucks opposite, two years ago.

A confluence of new music today and yesterday; web trovings of "best of's" revealed a new find that was in full album sample on allflac, and then three CD's arrived today, two from a new performer. All very good. Last week, one of my new CD's turned out to be a dud, and I didn't rip it, and will send it off to the charity outfit before long. I have these (seemingly arranged) music interests, where a number of new finds come via CD or online all about the same time. All of this is through my headphones as my amplifier is still in the repair shop, and the battle over that isn't over. Last week the guy said he would send it back and it was to arrive this week, as he couldn't find any problem with it. (It was crapping out on the L channel, and wasn't the player or the speakers). I haven't heard back as to whether he redoubled his efforts, as he isn't the communicating kind.

10-05-2017
The stereo amplifier came back after six weeks away; so far, it seems to have magically fixed itself. Unless it was one big bullshit stunt by the vendor, claiming it was fine when he did fix it. Or else the perps fixed it, after sabotaging it in the first place. Exasperation runs river deep here, and all the more when consumer electronics, and particularly music listening equipment, takes on an escalated propensity for sabotage. Even the lowly portable DAP is now able to put out a signal into the amplifier and have it heard through the speakers. And that is most strange, as I couldn't get a damn thing out of it, no matter the input set I used. (But it did work fine through the headphone amp). I smell a fix (literally) at the vendor's end, after all, it took him three weeks to start looking at it. Hmmm... And it does seem the music is a little brighter and more detailed, or perhaps it was that I had a "rest" from listening to music from my speakers. As to why the vendor couldn't fess up and tell me it was a warranty fix I don't know. (Maybe it was to protract my fussing and fuming angst. Or maybe to duck the statistics on true warranty repairs etc.). I have given up on expecting honest and rational behavior in this Potemkin Village I live in.

My residence heat pump unit also had a unexplained failure of the front panel to open when blowing air. It was working fine when I was using it for the little air cooling in the summer, and then after three weeks of no use due to just-right weather between seasons, the panel didn't lift when I set it for heating. The landlord didn't seemed too fussed about it, and even aided the repair cause, by removing the panel, and allowing the heat to come out. And too, back to his/her habits of entering my place without permission again, as I had just departed for my IV vitamin C treatment.

10-06-2017
The usual stake out at the doctor's office, this being the drop in clinic, as I needed two medication Rx renewals. And the usual pained look ("poor you", maybe) of the support staff. It seems black pants are in, as everyone was wearing them, save the atrocious tight white and light green checked pants of the woman opposite. I suppose it is de rigeur that everyone is plugged into their smart phone these days, busily at the screen doing something. Or is it just me, and that the perps need to surround me with stalkers on their computers wherever I go nowadays? Back in the early harassment days of 2002-3, there was a sudden eruption of stalkers on their cell phones then, but of course with more features and capabilities on these devices, not to mention a larger color display, the instance of phone/smart phone stalkers has escalated to 90% or more in any public captive situation. Anyhow, I was done in an hour, which isn't bad for all the patient surge games I usually get at this drop in clinic.

A visit to the shrink this afternoon started down its predictable futile path. The meeting was scheduled for two months hence, but a cancellation came up, and so I was back within two weeks. Naturally he ignored the SPECT scan results, (ADD inattentive subtype = dopamine deficient), and revelled in the consequences of the apartment invasion and the rest of this unconventional abuse and harassment that began in 2002. He didn't have any explanation as to whom the personnel where, nor the markings and physical remnants they left. Nor did he have any explanation as to why past dopamine agonists have been so helpful, and dopamine antagonists have been totally debilitating. The shrink concluded that I was "dopamine rich", which flies in the face of all preceding clinical history and the 2017 urine dopamine test results I gave him. I will spare you the actual diagnosis. But he did concede to contact the former shrink to 2011 who said that I was being harassed. As to whether this essential fact was entered into the record I don't know, but as I see it, it is just another dodge, likely designed to dig me deeper in this hole the perps made for me in 2002-3.  Well done perps; you had this figured out from the get-go. And in fact, had this figured out 200 years ago in the case of James Tilley Matthews (TI Zero, IMHO), illegally incarcerated by a shrink of the day (Dr Haslam) who wanted to make a name for himself by categorizing psychosis, but had this one patient that didn't fit his scheme (because he made sense). Hmm.... It is all there in Mike Jay's originally titled "The Air Loom Gang", now retitled as "The Influencing Machine", or the more mistitled  "Visionary Madness".

This whole dopamine deficiency treatment quest has spun totally out of control; all I wanted to do was get going on dopamine agonist medication to counter dysthymia, low motivation and ahedonia (all  caused by low dopamine), and to address the hormonal aspects of dopamine deficiency such as urination issues, (though too late for prostate cancer) and other immune system issues and more technically, which dopamine agonist treated the D1 or D5 family and what served what particular body or brain system the best. I never got to first base with this fucker, when I had him painted in a corner with tests and scans that supported my case. In fact, I didn't want to see a shrink at all, but a dopamine expert, and it could of been a neurologist or a endocrine specialist. Though in the latter case they aren't up to speed, anywhere near the research literature, and likely won't be for a half century. Coming in, I was 6 for 8 for useless (or more accurately, contrary) shrinks, and now the count is 7 for 9. And not forgetting that the first four blew me off about ADD, and the subsequent SPECT scan totally revealed that (organized, IMHO) futility.

I got stiffed with this stultifying fustard of a shrink who has taken this whole thing backwards to the extreme Fuckover scene of 2002-3, when I was kept illegally incarcerated, and hounded all over the PNW with targeted head pains. Anyhow, another meeting is scheduled, though I don't suppose the records he will be requesting will be any help. The die was cast last visit, and these fuckers don't/won't ever evaluate any new material in a new light, nor will they deal with the substantial inconsistencies in any way. The shrink kept begging off, saying "it is just my opinion", but really didn't have a substantial rebuttal when I said his opinion was full of holes that don't hold up. I at least was granted the request to make a dissenting opinion that could be added to the report. And too, I was at least allowed to hold my own and not be run over as usually happens in these circumstances, though not true for all medical practitioners. I never get to ream the urologist's ass out for his deceits and dodges.

I did ask the shrink if there was any involvement by any other party in my consult or report outcome. I got the interesting body (lie spotting) language again; the pause, the look up, and he said "no" and then went into an explanation as his report's history and disposition. That is the thing about lie-spotting; it takes a while to read the cues, as everyone's lying style is a little bit different. The last full-on lying shrink would look at the floor when I asked these pointed questions, and I became to find it funny that he was so consistent. As this is the second visit of this guy, and the first point-blank question about outside intervention that I posed, I don't have a "lying profile" for this guy, and I am unlikely to get one, as the next visit should be the last. For now, I will have to content myself to writing a pithy dissenting report. All to sit in his file cabinet of course, as I may elect to refuse to have it sent to the initiating doctor. Anyhow, I have seen enough of this idiot to know that he wouldn't know a D1 or D5 agonist from a hole in the ground. What good it that anyhow?

As to where all this is going dopamine deficiency-wise, I have no idea. The perps are now pummeling me with planted notions of "it is all going to work out fine", but there never was a cast of liar like them, ever.

Anyhow; who was that babe of a stalker at LD this morning who was on my ass just when I turned around in the aisle and couldn't find the shaving cream as LD had reorganized the shelves? I got the "usual" in-the-way-but-won't-look-at-me (vapid, I call it) countenance. Then she "happened" to be exiting the store ahead of me (not having done any shopping), to then lead me outside to the parking lot, and with her vehicle only two away from mine, which I thought it was an astonishing coincidence. Nice deep black hair, but the lipstick was a little strong, blackish-purple. If it was ML, she is now 20 years younger and her ass is now half the size, having seen her once in a ridiculous gangstalking scene in 2005-06. And the number of times they put stalkers on me just when I get skunked, (aka, dashed expectations) as in not finding what I expected to find, is another fine coincidence show that began when the harassment did, 04-2002.

10-07-2017
Picking grapes today, at my former employer of 2012-15. I get $0.07/lb. That works out to roughly $200/day at my picking speed. I neglected to tell him that they were paying pickers $45/hour in California this year, as there was an urgent need and they couldn't find enough. I suspect grape harvester machine sales are going to go up for next year.

10-09-2017
And picking grapes all day yesterday, with the perps making their presence know by pulling the picked bunch from my hand and dumping it on the ground. After one day of reasonable freedom from this intrusion, they started it up on the second day. Thanks a bunch assholes. I reckon they pulled this shit at least 100x in the day.

And Thanksgiving dinner with my employer's family for the last two dinners; nice of them to host this TI for a rare social evening. This time no boarding house reaches across my dinner plate, the height of rudeness I will surely never forget three years ago, same circumstances.

 And grape crushing and pressing work today after two hours of picking. I use the word "pressing" advisedly as the owner has this peculiar cheap-assed way of separating the skins from the juice; he runs the crush into bins with drill-hole perforations in the bottom, which retains the pulp and lets the juice run through to a screen below, and then into a recieving bin at the bottom. After 12 hours or so, he takes the top bin off with the fork lift and then dumps it, so it is a gravity only separation, no actual pressing. He gets an extended soak, unusual for white grapes, and the juice gets more air exposure (not good either) too. Anyhow, he did this when I first made wine for him in 2012, and won't get himself a real press.

I see the owner now has one of those motorized wheel chairs, aka, "mobility device". Here he is running a 5 acre vineyard, and a 20 ton (grape weight, before crushing) winery, as well as the sales etc. and he now has one foot in the grave. Not only that, he is doubling down, and starting a tasting room down below for next year. What was that phrase in "Teahouse of the August Moon", about ambition exceeding one's grasp?

Anyhow, time to launch this for the week, and see what the whole-life containment show brings next.